Changing

When I review my pass, my thoughts, I see that ten years ago I had no idea about what I am now. I used to think about my future but now after these 10 years I am a totally different person from who I was thinking that I will be.

So, I believe 10 years later, I will probably be a really different person from what I think now, and none of my imaginations about myself will become true. I know it is scary but this is what it is. The future could be better than I think now. Who knows?!

In the name of Poverty

There are a lot of places on the world that we've never heard about them or we just know their names. What do you know about "Chad"? Just a name? Or something more? It is almost never talked about countries like this.

Republic of Chad is one the landlocked countries located in center of Africa. It means that this country has no water-way to out of its borders. And just lands are used to trade and communicate with other countries.

Chad is a really ancient country. Its history started from 7th millennium BC. People of Chad are living in poverty. Most of them are still rancher and farmer, the same as people we have in our villages! They've being independent since less than half a century. Chad was one of the France's colonies before 1960.

Economic situation is managed badly in this country. Chad was rank by The United Nation's Human Development Index ranked as the 5th poorest country in the world.

Over 50% of Chadians are Muslim. Thank to variety of people and languages in Chad there are a lot of cultural points and developments in this country. A lot of kinds of local music are played between them and they have a national museum that is visited a lot by tourists every year.

Anyway, I think Chadian people are living in bad conditions and the worse thing is that their name isn't heard so much around the world in mass Medias.

Question

To be yourself...

or

to be what people expect you to be.

That is the question.

A strange feeling

Something is stuck in my gullet and made me breathe hard. It's been for couple of days. I don't know what it is exactly but I've felt crying for a lot of times since last morning but I haven't been able to cry yet.

I've walked a lot but nothing is changed. It is a strange and scary feeling. Maybe something bad is going to happen to me and I have no one to be with in this case. Everyone is busy and has his own occupations. Maybe it is because of fasting. I don't know. I just know that I don't want to experience the depression again.

To be myself!

There is something I really liked about Juan Antonio Gonzalo in Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008), and that is that he is really himself; He expresses his feeling about everyone he loves and everyone he doesn't. He doesn't need to pretend as someone else.

Vichy and Christina both are afraid of saying what that is happening inside them, especially Vicky. Juan doesn't care about what might happen if he shows his feeling though. So he is very relax and natural. He is happy when he seems happy and he seems blue if he has a problem.

I'm really interested in being like him. I've been trying to be myself lots of times, but I've never been succeed. And now it became so hard to stand it anymore. I think it is because that I have a lot of things to lose. So I'm trying to miss these things to be able to be like this.

Nightmare in the morning!

This morning was terribly awful. I ran out of the house. The street was empty. Nobody was around. I wasn't able to stop thinking. It was like I'm losing my faith, my thoughts. World was circling around my head. (I don't know if this sentence is English.)

Sometimes you just need a supportive friend, someone who holds you in her arms and says "It's OK. Everything will be all right". I needed you and you weren't available any more.

In a little moment I just decided to call you, but when I came back home, everything was almost under control. I was awake whole the night but I couldn’t sleep. This morning was like a nightmare and I wished you were with me. I've been needing to cry since many hours ago, but I can't.

Welcome

Dear new visitor!

This isn't a private blog. However, I haven't introduced it to all of my friends yet, because it is written in English, and also because my English isn't good enough.

So, I'd rather not let everybody knows about it. Anyway, this is the "change" you asked me to make done in this blog. So, welcome!