You were wrong

I'm tired of thinking of future. Why am I doing this? Why am I so afraid of being regret after a true decision? Who've told that I have to be this worry about what I cannot do anything to change it?

This has been always my problem since my father told everybody that my son is someone else, he is a wise boy, he is more than his age, and he always knows how to do the right thing.

But, I'm not the son whose father believes in him. I'm not. I'm not the one who makes the best decisions. I'm not the one who lives in the real world. I'm not the one who I am. I'm just pretending to be a good guy. And this is the biggest failure. I hate it.

To be myself!

There is something I really liked about Juan Antonio Gonzalo in Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008), and that is that he is really himself; He expresses his feeling about everyone he loves and everyone he doesn't. He doesn't need to pretend as someone else.

Vichy and Christina both are afraid of saying what that is happening inside them, especially Vicky. Juan doesn't care about what might happen if he shows his feeling though. So he is very relax and natural. He is happy when he seems happy and he seems blue if he has a problem.

I'm really interested in being like him. I've been trying to be myself lots of times, but I've never been succeed. And now it became so hard to stand it anymore. I think it is because that I have a lot of things to lose. So I'm trying to miss these things to be able to be like this.